1. I would like skateboarding to be criminalized and all skateboarders to be sent to labor camps.
2. I think the government ought to declassify all UFO documents, especially the really juicy ones.
3. Every pinball machine ever has these little side lanes next to the flippers. There’s no way to prevent the ball from rolling into one of these lanes and if it does you lose a ball. I want these lanes removed from all new and future pinball games, and all older machines retroactively updated. These lanes represent the worst form of robbery currently in existence and we, as a moral nation, need to take action.
4. I’d like us to convert to a 6-day week, with each day being 28 hours in length.

I also promise to vote for any politician who agrees to take on these 4 issues as part of their platform.

Thank you,

A Concerned American (Me)

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